Posts Tagged ‘college’

The band started playing “Pomp and Circumstance” as the graduating class of 2010 processed into the gym. Coming to see the graduation of some of the students I had worked with on college applications was the culmination of a busy week in which I had blogged, posted, emailed, and spoken to parents about the transition to college, especially for Third Culture Kids. I had listened to, advised, and consoled parents about how to get through graduation without tears and embrace the changes their children were about to experience. So then, as the students entered the gym, why did I get a lump in my throat and feel tears stinging my own eyes? I did not expect to get emotional – after all, I wasn’t the parent this time and I was the one who had been doing the consoling!

As I sat there through the graduation ceremony, I thought about that long and hard. What was wrong with me? Why was I getting emotional about this? And the answer came to me – because as the one who helped to guide and advise these students, as well as my other students in other parts of the world, these kids and their families had become very dear to me as we experienced the journey together.

The role of the educational consultant, or independent counselor, is not just that of someone who helps kids decide on schools and gets the applications done. No, it’s much, much more than that. It’s about relationships.

With each one of my students, we had spent hours and hours talking about their personalities, interests, hopes, and dreams. Together with their parents, we took our time fine tuning “the list” until we had a list of schools that would be appropriate for them and their uniqueness. We had brainstormed ideas about essays, and in doing so, had had wonderful and candid conversations about who they were, who their friends were, what stirred their souls, and how they were going to tell their story. I knew when each one of them had hit the “send” button on their applications, and heard from them one by one as the acceptances and denials came. And I helped them think through their values and how they would make their final decisions. For each of these kids, I have loads of emails and online chats saved, most of which start with “Hey Becky!”

But even that was not all that we experienced together. Each student and family has a special story to tell….and throughout the year, the story keeps unfolding. We talked about their schedules, how to approach the SATs, how to deal a difficult class, stress, a less-than-hoped-for grade or grades, wait lists, denials, and setbacks. My students faced crises throughout the year as well – serious illness, deaths in the family, the loss of fellow students, and uncertainty regarding their own family circumstances. Parents confided their own hopes, dreams, fears, and worries with me, too, and I answered countless questions that they had. We were in this together.

So it’s no wonder that seeing students graduate was also an emotional moment for me. It wasn’t just seeing the students I had worked with make it to the finish line with their college acceptances in hand. I was also thinking of the students whose graduations I would not get to see in person, and knowing the stories of the families who stood behind their kids. Most of all, I was struck with how much love and support these kids had been fortunate to receive. And how lucky I was personally that I got to play a role in shaping their futures. These new graduates are my kids, too, and therefore, my own tears are those of pride and joy.

Day one of the Families in Global Transitions conference was as great as I expected it to be! Some of the “rock stars” in the world of working with expat families are here, and it’s wonderful to hear their insights and wisdom.

Yesterday morning I attended a fantastic 3 hour presentation called, “TCKS Repatriating for University: Confronting the Challenges and Building Communities” by Tina Quick, Darci Nealeigh, and Candy Hart. I will try to briefly summarize it here.

Tina Quick, who just wrote a book on this topic, led the discussion and gave us 4 “Pearls of Wisdom” for TCKS going “home” to the country of their passport for college. It can be a much more difficult transition than anyone expects.

Pearl #!:
TCK Identity Development – TCKS need to be aware of the terms of being a TCK, the general characteristics, and hear the message before they return, even if they don’t take it in right away. Knowing they are a TCK helps them to know why they are different so that a student does not suffer from “Terminal Uniqueness Syndrome”, i.e. why am I so weird and why can’t I fit in?

Pearl #2:
Moving around and this high mobility lifestyle brings about a lot of loss and therefore, unresolved grief. There is a good way to grieve and a bad way to grieve. Her presentation included video clips of interviews with some of the college students she works with, and if you don’t believe this is an issue, then listen to the kids.

Pearl #3:
Understand the 5 stages of transition. They are:
1. Involvement
2. Leaving
3. Transition
4. Entering
5. Reinvolvement

The upshot of this is that if kids know it is going to be hard, that there will be good days and bad days, but that they can come out on the other side, they will be better able to deal with the roller coaster ride.

Pearl #4:
Most TCKS DO have difficulty fitting back in with their peers at first. First there is the dreaded question, “Where are you from?” Secondly, the TCK experiences have been so different that it is difficult for many kids to relate to them. This is not a uniquely American experience – remember, TCKs can be from any nationality, and the experience is universal. When TCKs feel like they can’t fit in with their peers, it’s important for them to find common ground and to meet their peers halfway. Everyone has a story to tell.

The second part of the presentation was led by two college students, Darci and Candy, and they talked about how they organized a TCK organization on their college campus. I was blown away by the poise, maturity, dedication, fabulous ideas, and dedication that these young woman possessed. If only more TCKs could meet for fun, mutual support, and sharing on college campuses – but in the end, it’s probably going to be up to the students themselves to organize and make their needs known.

More to come about this fabulous conference! Next – a summary of the outstanding session I heard led by Ruth Van Reken, who co-authored the seminal book on TCKs with David Pollock, The Third Culture Kid Experience. The new edition of her book is out. “Wow” is all I can say for now!

Stay tuned!